Sharing is Caring
*Beep Beep!*
That’s how my day starts. No, scratch that. I don’t wake up to an alarm. I wake up to the radio. Wait no, scratch that too. Most of the time I wake up because I can’t sleep past 7:30 am. My biological clock has been trained that way.
I make myself physically socially acceptable and trod off to work. I spend alot of time at work, and usually I come home late around 10 or 11 pm. After a quick glass of milk, I make myself physically acceptable for bed (no I don’t dress up for bed! It means being in comfortable clothes!).
And those are most of my days in a nutshell. Is that fulfilling?
During work, I learn more physics than I ever thought I could. I’m cramming and studying and working. This is what I’ve always wanted – to devote myself to the study until I can master it. I am definitely making some progress. A little word on that – the conceptual arena is perhaps less occupied than the technique arena. That is, I am learning methods of solving problems rather than understanding the big picture of it all. Nevertheless, I am learning alot, a whole lot. In this respect, I can’t complain.
I also have company at work. It would be an extreme stretch to say that I am lonely. In some ways, I am still strengthening my social skills, as much as I ever did at Berkeley. My mind is definitely active, and I hardly sulk. Hooray for that!
And yet…
There’s something amiss…
Ah yes! It’s quite easy to say now but I’ve been too busy and occupied to realize it.
It does have to do with having fun. But specifically, what do I want?
A godamn relationship!
No, not the romantic kind. At least not necessarily. I want a relationship where I can be loose, comfortable, playful, and share my candid thoughts on everything and anything. I finally realize that this is the thing that’s been missing in my life right now. And I want it so bad!
But I can’t easily get it. It’s not so simple as finding someone by going to places so I can meet new people, not to mention that doing so requires time I hardly have.
It would be incredibly embarassing to come off looking like someone desperate for a relationship, but perhaps this is how it is.
I have met so many people that I can’t complain. In fact I decided to stay away from Berkeley people for awhile in order for me to adapt to my new world. I was forced to meet different people, and it has worked. (Once I finally felt comfortable in my new environment, I was able to contact some of them again). I was going to make a comment on how Berkeley was selective and this has made it easier to meet very good people there, but I decided to slide out from under the rug labeled “the grass is greener on the other side.”
I think my cousin said it best, which is what really prompted this entry.
“You need something fun in your life. You’re all work. You need someone to share your life with.”
